My Life Now

Hey Ladies,

I usually post about makeup and beauty, but today, I am going to get a bit more personal.  I debated as to whether or not to talk about this on my blog, but I realized that, for me, blogging is about being myself and connecting with all of you.  So, here goes.

Two weeks ago, my mom passed away.  She had been struggling with leukemia for a couple years, and the cancer had come back on my birthday (September 12).  Since then, she had been in the hospital preparing for a stem cell transplant.  She got the transplant on November 16, but her heart was not strong enough for all the chemo she had endured.  On Sunday, November 25, just after Thanksgiving, she went into cardiac arrest.  Three days later, she was gone.

My mom was my best friend.  She was my shopping buddy, my sounding board, my hero.  I feel lost without her.  I was so blessed to have 26 great years with her and to have a mom who was so loving, supportive and full of life.  She was the strongest person I have ever known, and she always made me feel like I was special and wonderful.  I miss her every day.

I am having a really hard time.  I never allowed myself to think about what would happen if the transplant failed.  My mom was young, 54, and healthy aside from the cancer.  Whenever I would say things about being worried that the transplant would not work, my family and friends said not to think like that.  They told me to stay postive, and I did.  So, when things took such an unfortunate turn, I was shocked.

It is still hard to believe she is gone.  I want to call her to ask about her day and tell her about mine.  I want to e-mail her pictures of clothes I want to buy, so she can offer her opinions.  I want to give her the Christmas present I had already purchased for her.  More than anything, I just want to hug her.

I have struggled with depression in the past and was being treated for it prior to my mom passing away.  I am trying really hard to keep myself together, but I am struggling.  I don't want to get out of bed and go to work.  I definitely don't want to go to the gym, and I don't even want to go out with my friends.  I know I have to do all of these things because my mom would not want me to stop living my life.  It is just so strange to me that she is gone, and I am just supposed to pick up and carry on without her.

One thing that always makes me smile is reading beauty and makeup blogs and watching YouTube.  I have purchased some awesome new makeup over the past few weeks, and I will continue to blog.  So, thank you for reading my blog.  It means so much to me :)

Me, my beautiful mommy, my little sis

I appreciate you taking the time to read this post, and I hope you are all having a wonderful December.

Talk Soon,

T.